Setting Boundaries When You Feel Helpless

Do you ever feel like you’re powerless to set boundaries in critical situations? What if someone else seems to hold all of the power in a relationship? Consider the biblical story of Daniel for answers: Daniel 1:1-20 – “In the third year of the reign of Jehoiakim, king of Judah, Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon, came to Jerusalem and besieged it. And the Lord delivered Jehoiakim king of Judah into his hand, along with some of the articles from the temple of God…Then the king ordered Ashpenaz, chief of his court officials, to bring into the king’s service some of the Israelites from the royal family and the nobility—young men without any physical defect, handsome, showing aptitude for every kind of learning, well informed, quick to understand, and qualified to serve in the king’s palace. He was to teach them the language and literature of the Babylonians. The king assigned them a daily amount of food and wine from the king’s table. They were to be trained for three years, and after that they were to enter the king’s service. But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission... Continue Reading »

Three’s a Crowd in Marriage

Boundaries in Marriage

Marriage is an exclusive club meant to be a two-person arrangement, leaving out all other parties. This is why wedding vows often include the phrase, “forsaking all others.” Boundaries in marriage are meant to create a safe place for one’s soul; third parties can become disruptive to this safety. The problem is that love between spouses can often get segmented into other places. This problem, called “triangulation,” is one of the great enemies of good marriages. Triangulation occurs when one spouse brings in a third party for an unhealthy reason. A “triangle” is created when, for example, a wife (Person A) goes to a friend (Person C) for something that she should go to her husband (Person B) for. Or in a family setting, a sibling (Person A) calls you (Person C) to talk about “Mom’s problem,” without first talking to Mom (Person B).  Here are some examples of triangulation that occur in marriage: • A wife talks to her best friend about her unhappiness with her husband, but doesn’t let him know her feelings. • A husband confides to his secretary that his wife doesn’t understand him. • One spouse makes their child a confidant, becoming closer to the child... Continue Reading »

Boundaries for Leaders: Reversing the Death Spiral of a Leader

Enjoy this insightful video presentation by Dr. Henry Cloud entitled, “Reversing the Death Spiral of a Leader.” Dr. Cloud explains how to take leadership principles from theory to reality and prevent leaders from minimizing the effects of burn-out, bad decisions, and negative relationships. Click here to watch the video Maximize your leadership potential by reading Boundaries for Leaders. Dr. Henry Cloud gives leaders the tools and techniques they need to achieve the performance they desire. Drawing on the latest findings from neuroscience, Dr. Cloud shows why it’s critical for leaders to set the conditions that make people’s brains perform at their highest levels. How do great leaders do this? One way is through the creation of “boundaries,” which are structures that determine what will exist and what will not. Discover seven leadership boundaries that set the tone and culture for a results-driven organization, including how to: Help people focus their attention on the things that matter most. Build the emotional climate that drives brain functioning. Facilitate connections that boost energy and momentum. Create organizational thought patterns that limit negativity and helplessness. Identify paths for people to take control of the activities that drive results. Create high-performance teams organized around the behaviors that... Continue Reading »