It’s every parent’s worst nightmare: having a teen hooked on alcohol or drugs. This is not life as God designed it. Substance abuse causes the breakdown of all that is good. Enslavement replaces freedom. Detachment replaces love. Chaos replaces order. Despair replaces hope. Many young people abuse alcohol and drugs, and this problem is not likely to go away anytime soon. I (Dr. Townsend) can’t overstate the danger of substance abuse. It can, and often does, lead to poverty, injury, disease, and death. But despite the seriousness of this problem, parents of teens with this issue need to understand that the greatest single force to help a teen resolve a substance problem is an involved parent. Boundaries with teens is designed to give you guidelines for the process. Boundaries with Teens: Defining the Problem Unfortunately, the teen years are a perfect fit, in a sick way, for substance abuse problems. By nature, adolescents challenge the authority and values of parents and are highly susceptible to peer approval. They are interested in feelings and experiences, often to the neglect of good judgment, yet they can quickly become disconnected and can feel isolation deeply. Teens get easily bruised, discouraged, and hurt, and... Continue Reading »
If you’re new to this website, you may not be aware that there are 12 free teaching videos by Boundaries co-authors, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. Today, we’re highlighting a really insight video that focuses on how to overcome five obstacles to creating boundaries with kids. If you’re a mother, father, grandparent, aunt, or uncle, this video will give you important insight to improve the way you interact with children. Take the next 4 minutes to learn what you might be doing that could sabotage the benefits of boundaries with your kids. And, discover new ways to help your children, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews chart a course towards mature adulthood. Click on the picture to view video: Overcome Five Obstacles to Creating Boundaries with Kids To watch more of these insightful videos, click here.
There is a lot of misunderstanding about boundaries, especially in the context of marriage. Some people are against boundaries because they see them as selfish. Other people actually use boundaries to be selfish. Both are wrong. Boundaries in marriage are basically about self-control. A client once said to me (Dr. Townsend), “I set some boundaries on my husband. I told him that he could not talk to me that way anymore. And it did not work. What do I do now?” “What you have done is not boundaries at all,” I replied. “What do you mean?” “It was your feeble attempt at controlling your husband, and that never works.” I went on to explain that boundaries are not something you “set on” another person. Boundaries are about yourself. My client could not say to her husband, “You can’t speak to me that way.” This demand is unenforceable. But she could say what she would or would not do if he spoke to her that way again. She could set a boundary “on herself.” She could say, “If you speak to me that way, I will walk out of the room.” This threat is totally enforceable because it has to do... Continue Reading »