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Welcome to Boundaries Books. Take the boundaries quiz, get helpful advice, and buy the bestselling books that teach you when to say yes and how to say no.


Boundaries Books

"After breaking up with my girlfriend and separating for a year, we decided to get back together. But, we needed to work through some of the walls that we had put up to safeguard against revisiting past painful experiences. Beyond Boundaries helped ease the transition and really brought healing to our relationship. Dr. Townsend paints a great picture of how to push through the boundaries put up by previous encounters with pain or loss and open up to healthy relationships again.”
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When Your Teen Pulls Away


Some parents fear that if they set boundaries with teens, it will cause their son or daughter to detach themselves and withdraw their love from them. This fear can cause these parents to avoid boundaries at all costs, and to do their best to keep their kid connected. When this happens, it teaches teens that they can get their way and avoid limits by cutting off the love supply. These adolescents often have difficulty experiencing healthy adult relationships, because they have learned to withdraw love, as a form of emotional blackmail, until the other person caves in. You don’t want this relational future for your teen. If you are vulnerable to fear, you may have some sort of dependency on your teen’s goodwill and feelings toward you. You may be trying to get your teen to meet your need for love and connection. If so, you are in jeopardy of not doing right by your child. To resolve your fear of withdrawal of love, connect with other adults who will support, affirm, and encourage you. Such adults can meet your relational needs. Use their good feelings to fill the vacuum so that when your teen withdraws because of some limits... Continue Reading »

Four Reasons Why You Need to Respect the Future


No one would argue with the importance of living in the present. God designed creation so that we live and breathe in the present. When we lose current experience, we are only half alive. But here is the problem, and it’s a huge one: Focusing only on the present is just as dysfunctional as focusing only on the future. The entitlement mantra about the future is: Ignore the future and focus on today. But the Hard Way mantra is: Respect the future and let it guide today’s experience. And why should we respect the future? Here are four reasons: One Day You Will Experience Your Future Your future is not “out there.” Very soon, it won’t be called the future; it will be called Now. And you’ll experience it, feel it, touch it, and taste it, for better or worse. The future certainly will arrive — and as much as possible, we want to think about the things that we will experience before they overtake us. Think of it this way. Small children don’t have the skills to truly understand the impact of the future. Their neurology and emotions are all about today and now. One of the roles of a... Continue Reading »

Why Leaders Need to Set Boundaries in the Workplace


What do boundaries for leaders look like at work? They are made up of two essential things: what you create and what you allow. A “boundary” is a property line. It defines where your property begins and ends. If you think about your home, on your property, you can define what is going to happen there, and what is not. As a leader in the workplace, you are in charge of the vision, the people you invite in, what the goals and purposes are going to be, what behavior is going to be allowed and what isn’t. Leaders build and allow the culture. You set the agenda, and you make the rules. And what you find there, you own. It is your creation or your allowances that have made it be. Simply stated, the leaders’ boundaries define and shape what is going to be and what isn’t. In the end, as a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: what you create and what you allow. I (Dr. Cloud) was leading an offsite for a health care company recently about a range of leadership issues, and the director of HR asked a key question. “So,... Continue Reading »