Boundaries Blog — Boundaries
What to Do When Trust Is Broken
Several years ago, I (Dr. Cloud) went to a conference on working with character disorders, and the instructor was giving a list of priorities to psychologists who treat them. "Character disorder" is a catch-all term, but one way of defining it is "people who do not take ownership and responsibility for their lives."
I will never forget what the instructor said about the number-one priority—other than protecting your personal safety—in treating character disorders. He said, "As soon as there is any kind of deception, stop everything."...
The Cure for the Disease of Entitlement
Entitlement is the belief that I am exempt from responsibility and I am owed special treatment. Entitlement is: The man who thinks he is above all the rules. The woman who feels mistreated and needs others to make it up to her.
I (Dr. Townsend) need you to understand the concept of entitlement thoroughly ...
Are You Blackmailing Your Children?
"Every time I disagree with my mother, even on little things, I feel this terrible sense that she's not there anymore," mused Ingrid over coffee with her friend Alice. "It's like she's hurt and withdrawn, and I can't get her back. It's really a horrible feeling to think you've lost someone you love."
Let's be honest. None of us enjoys being told no. It's difficult to accept another person's refusal to give support, to be intimate, or to forgive. Yet good relationships are built on the freedom to refuse and confront....
Common Signs of a Lack of Boundaries with Family
A common scenario is this: one spouse doesn’t have good emotional boundaries with the family he grew up in — his family of origin. Then when he has contact with them by phone or in person, he becomes depressed, argumentative, self-critical, perfectionistic, angry, combative, or withdrawn....
The Power of No
The word no has to be one of the most powerful and liberating words in the human language. No other word does what the word no does! Rather than close doors, no often makes sure that the opportunities already opened remain accessible.
Balanced people love the word no. They understand that no paves the road to realizing greatness by creating space in our lives ...