Boundaries Blog — parenting
Q&A with Dr. John Townsend: How to Deal with Adult Child Who Refuses to Pay Back a Loan
Question: What kinds of consequences are appropriate for a 39-year-old daughter who refuses to take responsibility for paying a college loan that her father and I co-signed in good faith?
Answer: First, let me say that I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know that it can feel uncomfortable to be at odds with your adult child.
In this situation, your first decision is to approach your daughter in a vulnerable way and describe how her behavior is impacting you. You could say something like ...
How to Win a Titanic Power Struggle with Your Child
In one family I (Dr. Townsend) know, seven-year-old Taylor was going through a titanic power struggle with his mother. Sometimes, she wondered if setting boundaries with kids was actually possible. Taylor fought any "do" or "don't" she said. Finally, his mom went to his bedroom to talk to him. As she opened the door, a cup perched on the top of the door tipped over, covering her from head to toe with milk....
Why Your Child Really Isn't Perfect and What to Do About It
Children need more than a parent who will talk about boundaries. They need a parent who will be boundaries. This means that in whatever situation arises, you respond to your child with empathy, firmness, freedom, and consequences. This is how God handles his children, and he is our model. But, sometimes parents contribute to the problem by trying to justify their kid's behavior, rather than addressing the issue.
Setting boundaries with kids isn't about "making" your child do anything. It is much more about structuring your child's existence so that he experiences the consequences of his behavior, thus leading him to be more responsible and caring....
How to Overcome a Victim Mentality
A woman complained to me (Dr. Cloud) about a coworker who would always interrupt her while she was trying to get her job done. She acted as if her tendency to be behind in her work was her coworker's fault.
"Why do you talk to her?" I asked.
"What do you mean?" she replied.
"When she comes in and interrupts, why do you get into a conversation with her?"
"Well, I have to. She is standing there talking."
"Why don't you just tell her that you have work to do, or close your door and put up a 'Do Not Disturb' sign?"...
Hope for the Single Parent: How to Overcome Your Biggest Challenges
If you are a single parent, you may need to know something: you have the hardest job in the world. You have to meet all the needs of your kid, over many years, without the help of a spouse. Some of my closest friends are single parents, and my heart breaks with theirs when they encounter the rough years of parenting. Single parenting can sometimes be brutal and overwhelming. That's why it's important to discuss boundaries for single parents.