The Bible tells us clearly what our boundaries are and how to protect them. In addition to showing us what we are responsible for, biblical boundaries help us to define what is not on our property and what we are not responsible for.

The Bible Says We Are Responsible To and For

We are responsible to others and for ourselves. “Carry each other’s burdens,” says Galatians 6:2, “and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” This verse shows our responsibility to one another.

Many times others have “burdens” that are too big to bear. They do not have enough strength, resources, or knowledge to carry the load, and they need help. Denying ourselves to do for others what they cannot do for themselves is showing the sacrificial love of Christ. This is what Christ did for us. He did what we could not do for ourselves; he saved us. This is being responsible “to.”

On the other hand, Galatians 6:5 says that “each one should carry their own load.” Everyone has responsibilities that only he or she can carry. These things are our own particular “load” that we need to take daily responsibility for and work out. No one can do certain things for us. We must take ownership of certain aspects of life that are our own “load.”

The Greek words for burden and load give us insight into the meaning of these texts. The Greek word for burden means “excess burdens,” or burdens that are so heavy that they weigh us down. We need help with these burdens—those times of crisis and tragedy in our lives.

In contrast, the Greek word for load means “cargo,” or “the burden of daily toil.” This word describes the everyday things we all need to do. We are expected to deal with our own feelings, attitudes, and behaviors, as well as the responsibilities God has given to each one of us, even though it takes effort.

Biblical Boundaries Let the Good In and Keep the Bad Out

Boundaries help us to distinguish our property so that we can take care of it. They help us to guard our heart “with all diligence” (Prov. 4:23 NASB), as the Bible puts it. We need to keep things that will nurture us inside our fences and keep things that will harm us outside. In short, biblical boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. They guard our treasures (Matt. 6:19–20), according to the Bible, so that people will not steal them. They keep the pearls inside and the pigs outside (Matt. 7:6). 

Sometimes we have bad on the inside and good on the outside. In these instances, we need to be able to open up our boundaries to let the good in and the bad out. In other words, our fences need gates in them. For example, if I find that I have some pain or sin within, I need to open up and communicate it to God and others, so that I can be healed. According to the Bible, confessing pain and sin helps to “get it out” so that it does not continue to poison me on the inside (1 John 1:9; James 5:16; Mark 7:21–23). 

And when the good is on the outside, we need to open our gates and “let it in.” In the Bible, Jesus speaks of this phenomenon in “receiving” him and his truth (Rev. 3:20; John 1:12). Other people have good things to give us, and we need to “open wide our hearts” to them (2 Cor. 6:11–13).

The God of the Bible Models Boundaries for Us

The concept of boundaries comes from the very nature of the God of the Bible. God defines himself in the Bible as a distinct, separate being, and he is responsible for himself. He defines and takes responsibility for his personality by telling us what he thinks, feels, plans, allows, will not allow, likes, and dislikes (Exodus 20:1-17).

He also defines himself as separate from his creation and from us. He differentiates himself from others. He tells us who he is and who he is not. For example, the Bible says that he is love and that he is not darkness (1 John 4:16; 1:5).

In addition, the God of the Bible has boundaries within the Trinity. The Father, the Son, and the Spirit are one, but at the same time they are distinct persons with their own boundaries. Each one has his own personhood and responsibilities, as well as a connection with and love for one another (John 17:24).

God also limits what he will allow in his yard, according to the Bible. He confronts sin and allows consequences for behavior. He guards his house and will not allow evil things to go on there. He invites people in who will love him, and he lets his love flow outward to them at the same time. The “gates” of his boundaries open and close appropriately.

It is clear from reading the Bible that God designed a world where we all live “within” ourselves; that is, we inhabit our own souls, and we are responsible for the things that make up “us.” We must deal with what is in our soul, and biblical boundaries help us to define what that is.

            

Adapted from The New York Times bestselling book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by renowned psychologists Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.