By Dr. Anita Phillips
Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be ye angry, and sin not.” Considering the spiritually, mentally, and physically destructive potential of anger, why doesn’t the scripture say, “Do not be angry so you won’t sin”?
Is anger ever a good thing? The answer is yes, sometimes it is. Anger is not a sin. No emotion is a sin. So why this warning about anger and not sadness or fear? I believe it’s a question of valence. Let me explain. One way to study emotions through an academic lens is to categorize them in ways that clarify similarities and differences. Two common categories are called valence and motivational direction.
Valence labels emotions as positive or negative. I don’t like that because all emotions can play a functional role, so let’s say that an emotion is painful or pleasurable, or that it is desirable or not so much.
Motivational direction refers to whether an emotion is approach-related or avoidance-related. Does it move you toward that something, or would you rather run away? Approach-related emotions are generally pleasurable while emotions that motivate us to avoid or fight against something generally have—you guessed it—a painful valence.
When something makes us sad or afraid, our reflex is to run away from it or fight until we are safe again. Anger breaks those rules. Anger is painful and highly approach- oriented. In fact, “according to the motivational direction theory, anger is similar to arousing positive emotions ... and should be associated with approach tendencies.” Sadness and fear play defense, but anger plays offense, so angry feelings are much more likely to result in a regrettable act than other emotions.
So “be ye angry, and sin not” makes a lot of sense. Anger makes us more vulnerable to behaving in ways that contradict the values we normally adhere to, but anger itself is not wrong to feel. And not all anger is created equal. We defined emotion as the impact a situation has on our body and brain. When it comes to different types of anger, it’s especially important to consider the situation.
Two situations that evoke healthy anger are boundary violations and injustice. These situations make us angry because something valuable has been treated as “less than.” Anger draws our attention to what’s important to us.
Boundary Violations
Boundaries are expectations that make us feel safe in relationships. All relationships have boundaries. If you tell your best friend something in confidence and he posts it on social media, that’s a boundary violation. If a therapist initiates a romantic relationship with a client, that is a license-threatening boundary violation outlined in our code of ethics. If I hate you in my heart, whether I admit it or not, that violates a boundary in my relationship with God.
When you find yourself irritable, annoyed, frustrated, or furious in a relationship of any kind, consider whether it’s a signal that an interpersonal boundary has been violated. It’s important for you to express your needs and articulate your boundaries in every relationship even if you feel the expectation should go without saying. It doesn’t.
Injustice
Injustice is a boundary violation at the systemic and community level of relationship. While interpersonal boundary violations sometimes involve an abuse of power, they don’t always have to. But injustice is almost always about an abuse of power, and we do well to get angry about that and to act on behalf of those who are vulnerable. That’s different from attacking the oppressor.
I don’t have room here to explain those nuances, so for now, I will refer you to the writings of Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Adapted from The Garden Within: Where the War with Your Emotions Ends and Your Most Powerful Life Begins by Dr. Anita Phillips. Click here to learn more about this book.
In this game-changing book, trauma therapist and mental health expert Dr. Anita Phillips reveals how embracing emotion is the key to living your most powerful life. Blending faith, the latest discoveries in neurobiology, and her own research and work as a licensed therapist, Dr. Anita shows you how to cultivate a state of emotional well-being.
New York Times bestseller. Wall Street Journal bestseller. Featured on SUPER SOUL PODCAST hosted by Oprah Winfrey.
“This book contains wisdom, insight, and revelation that will revolutionize your life.”
—Christine Caine, founder of A21 and Propel Women
Dr. Anita Phillips, LCSW-C is a trauma therapist, life coach, minister, and New York Times bestselling author of The Garden Within.
Widely recognized as a thought leader at the intersection of mental health, faith, and culture, Dr. Anita holds degrees from the University of Maryland and Regent University and completed a postdoctoral fellowship at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health.
She is a dynamic speaker and podcast host who adores her family and friends, a good pint of ice cream, and sitting by the ocean. Learn more at AnitaPhillips.com.