Boundaries Blog — family
Are You Blackmailing Your Children?
"Every time I disagree with my mother, even on little things, I feel this terrible sense that she's not there anymore," mused Ingrid over coffee with her friend Alice. "It's like she's hurt and withdrawn, and I can't get her back. It's really a horrible feeling to think you've lost someone you love."
Let's be honest. None of us enjoys being told no. It's difficult to accept another person's refusal to give support, to be intimate, or to forgive. Yet good relationships are built on the freedom to refuse and confront....
How the Fear of Saying No Can Handicap Your Life
"May I tell you something embarrassing?" Robert asked me (Dr. Townsend). A new client, Robert was trying to understand why he had so much difficulty refusing his wife's constant demands. He was going broke trying to keep up with the Joneses.
"I was the only boy in my family, the youngest of four children. There was a strange double standard in my house involving physical fighting." Robert cleared his throat, struggling to continue....
Common Signs of a Lack of Boundaries with Family
A common scenario is this: one spouse doesn’t have good emotional boundaries with the family he grew up in — his family of origin. Then when he has contact with them by phone or in person, he becomes depressed, argumentative, self-critical, perfectionistic, angry, combative, or withdrawn....
Adults: Do Not Obey Your Parents
As an adult, loving and honoring your parents does not equal obeying. God placed you with your parents for a season of time to help you grow into a mature adult. At some point this season ends, and your relationship with your mom and dad changes from child-to-parent to adult-to-adult. The roles change from dependency and authority to mutuality. While you are to respect and care for your parents, you are no longer under their protection and tutelage. Children are to obey parents, while adult children are to love and honor them. Therefore, sometimes you will need to confront parents, disobeying their desire for you to agree with them or go along with a bad situation.
People often have difficulty confronting parents, because they still feel like a little child with them....
How to Handle Guilt Messages from Your Mom
Tabitha telephoned her mother, who answered the phone weakly with hardly any voice at all. Concerned, thinking she was sick, Tabitha asked, "Mother, what's wrong?"
"I guess my voice doesn't work very well anymore," she replied. "No one calls me since you children left home."
No weapon in the arsenal of a controlling person is as strong as the guilt message....