Boundaries Blog — The Entitlement Cure
The Cure for the Disease of Entitlement
Entitlement is the belief that I am exempt from responsibility and I am owed special treatment. Entitlement is: The man who thinks he is above all the rules. The woman who feels mistreated and needs others to make it up to her.
I (Dr. Townsend) need you to understand the concept of entitlement thoroughly ...
Boundaries Q&A with Dr. Townsend: 4 Tips for Dealing with a Narcissist
Question: Dr. Townsend, can you give advice for someone who thinks they are married to a narcissist? Everything seems to revolve around my spouse's wishes and demands.
Dr. Townsend: I'm sorry to hear about your situation. First off, the label of "narcissism" is not very helpful unless you are talking with a licensed therapist who has actually done an interview and diagnosed the person. People throw around the term, "narcissism," a lot and it gets confusing. It's much more helpful to talk about specific attitudes and behaviors that are problematic. For example, your second sentence, about everything seeming to revolve around your spouse's wishes and demands, is clear and specific. So let's deal with that aspect and get you some relief. Here are four tips ...
Four Reasons Why You Need to Respect the Future
No one would argue with the importance of living in the present. God designed creation so that we live and breathe in the present. When we lose current experience, we are only half alive. But here is the problem, and it's a huge one: Focusing only on the present is just as dysfunctional as focusing only on the future.
The entitlement mantra about the future is: Ignore the future and focus on today. But the Hard Way mantra is: Respect the future and let it guide today's experience. And why should we respect the future? Here are four reasons...
Surprising Ways Rewards and Praise Can Harm Others
We sometimes reward (through actions) and praise (through words) our spouses, employees, children, and friends in ways that can actually harm them, even though it feels good at the time because it seems so positive. But what seems positive is not always what is best. A pizza slice or two is positive—but four can cause problems. These unwise reward/praise approaches, although well intentioned, create bad fruit. Remember—these are patterns, not isolated events. Doing these things every now and then would be all right, but when they become trends, they risk fostering attitudes of entitlement....
How to Fail ... in Healthy and Redemptive Ways
God designed your self-image to be your friend and ally, to help you make great choices, to find your passions, and to succeed in all walks of life. And it was designed also to help you fail well. This is one of your self-image's greatest benefits. You need to learn to fail in healthy and redemptive ways, because fail you will.
People with a healthy and accurate self-image don't have a big problem with failure. When they don't get a promotion at work, or their spouse gets mad at them, or their kids don't respect them, they know what to do....