Boundaries Blog — parenting
How the Fear of Saying No Can Handicap Your Life
"May I tell you something embarrassing?" Robert asked me (Dr. Townsend). A new client, Robert was trying to understand why he had so much difficulty refusing his wife's constant demands. He was going broke trying to keep up with the Joneses.
"I was the only boy in my family, the youngest of four children. There was a strange double standard in my house involving physical fighting." Robert cleared his throat, struggling to continue....
How to Determine the Right Consequences When Setting Boundaries
Not long ago I (Dr. Townsend) took my kids and some of their friends to a major league baseball game for an outing. While we were watching the game, a young boy sitting behind us was making everyone miserable. He was out of control, loud, and rude.
His parents did try to manage him, but their efforts were ineffective. They shushed him, praised him when he was quiet, bribed him with food, and threatened to take him out of the game. Nothing worked....
Are You Blackmailing Your Children?
"Every time I disagree with my mother, even on little things, I feel this terrible sense that she's not there anymore," mused Ingrid over coffee with her friend Alice. "It's like she's hurt and withdrawn, and I can't get her back. It's really a horrible feeling to think you've lost someone you love."
Let's be honest. None of us enjoys being told no. It's difficult to accept another person's refusal to give support, to be intimate, or to forgive. Yet good relationships are built on the freedom to refuse and confront....
Common Signs of a Lack of Boundaries with Family
A common scenario is this: one spouse doesn’t have good emotional boundaries with the family he grew up in — his family of origin. Then when he has contact with them by phone or in person, he becomes depressed, argumentative, self-critical, perfectionistic, angry, combative, or withdrawn....