Hope for the Single Parent: How to Overcome Your Biggest Challenges

Boundaries with Teens

By Dr. John Townsend

If you are a single parent, you may need to know something: you have the hardest job in the world. You have to meet all the needs of your kid, over many years, without the help of a spouse. Some of my closest friends are single parents, and my heart breaks with theirs when they encounter the rough years of parenting. Single parenting can sometimes be brutal and overwhelming. That's why it's important to discuss boundaries for single parents.

Many of my friends have also found the balance and resources they need, and they are experiencing success as parents. Their children and teens are doing well and are maturing at the right rate. So there is hope for you as well.

Let's look at some of the biggest struggles single parents face and explore what you can do to meet those challenges:

Single Parent Challenge #1 - Not Enough of You

Single parents have to do the work of two parents, yet they have more limited resources than two-parent families, both in quantity and in ability. This limitation becomes more of a challenge when your kids are teenagers. They push against your authority and limits and assert their freedom in a million ways.

Parents who have a spouse can hand off their teen to the other parent when they are feeling worn out. My wife and I do this all the time. But you can't do this as a single parent. If your teen doesn't let up on you, you don't get a chance to rest and regroup. This can be exhausting, and it's easy to feel you don't have any strength left inside to resist your kid's resistance.

What can you do? The answer isn't trying harder, or using your will power. Instead, realize that you don't have what you don't have. You will need to get from the outside what you don't possess on the inside. You need to do this for your kid, and for yourself as well. Call a safe and sane friend and get your emotional tank filled, and then enter the ring again and resolve the issue.

It's tempting for single parents to think, I am so tired. I just don't have it in me to spend a lot of time talking with my kid. Besides, he's almost an adult anyway, so he probably doesn't even need a lot of me. While your teen is almost an adult, he still needs bonding time with you in order for him to feel safe and loved and to help him sort out the vagaries of teen life. So get some strength from others, so that you can stay attached to your teen.

Keep in mind that you may need to ask another adult, such as a mature friend, youth pastor, or counselor, to intervene. Your teen may be able to hear things from this other person that he refuses to hear from you. Regardless, get connected.

Single Parent Challenge #2 - Rescuing Your Kids From Failure

I recently asked a single mom who is a good friend of mine, "What do you think is the biggest mistake single parents make?" Without hesitating, she said, "Not allowing their kids to fail."

My friend was talking about rescuing young kids and teens from experiencing their consequences. Parents who rescue their adolescents often do so out of guilt. They already feel bad about their kid's situation, and often feel partially responsible that their child doesn't have two parents in the home.

As a result, single parents often indulge their teen and don't enforce the consequences that should come with attitude and behavior violations. They think, My teen already has a strike against her. I'll make it up to her a little by being easy on her. However, this "solution" doesn't solve the problem; it merely creates a second problem. Not only does the teen have to struggle with a broken home, it's likely she will never develop any self-control. Kids from a single-parent family need limits just as much as any kid does.

Surround yourself with guilt-busters—that is, friends who will support you when your emotions tell you you're being too mean. Cry on their shoulder, allow them to give you a reality check, and let them encourage you to love your teen and still hold the line.

I have a single-parent friend who always felt guilty whenever she grounded or took privileges away from her teens. But her kids have grown up, and they have come back to her and said, "Thanks for being strict, Mom. That's why I can keep my own marriage and job together."

Single Parent Challenge #3 - Parenting Differences With Your Ex

Many divorced parents differ in their parenting values. Often, a parent will notice that the child has a bad attitude or misbehaves after she has spent some time with the other parent. You can attribute some of that to the teen trying to adjust and transition between two worlds, and she needs your support and patience on that. But it may also be that your ex is not providing enough structure and consistent limits.

If this is your situation, do all you can to get your ex to agree to put your kid first and to come to an agreement on parenting values and styles. If your teen's well-being is in jeopardy, you may even have to go the legal route for his protection.

If you see some negative effects when your teen spends time with your ex, but they aren't serious enough for you to take legal action, then be the best parent you can be. Be balanced and integrated with love and boundaries. If your ex is a Disneyland parent, don't be the hardnose, hoping to compensate. Your teen needs to be around someone whom she can take inside of herself, who is a picture of maturity, grace, and truth. Don't try to get even with your ex. Get healthy.

Single Parent Challenge #4 - Asking for Help

Finally, don't try to be strong and go it alone. Ask for help from your kid's school, your church, and your friends. Single parents need more help, and they should get more.

God has a special place for you and your children. In Psalm 68:5, King David wrote about how much God wants to provide for kids who don't have both parents around: "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." Ask God for help, and He will give it to you.


Taken from Boundaries with Teens by Dr. John Townsend. In his book, you will find a lot more information for single parents, including a separate chapter dedicated to step-parenting.

➡️ FREE! Get The 10 Laws of Boundaries eBook when you subscribe to the Boundaries Weekly email newsletter. Learn More


Older Post Newer Post

  • Patterson Ngwira on

    As Christians, whether we are single or in a relationship our paramount action must be to have faith (Hebrews 11:17-33) in God and to believe that the supernatural power of God will do the heavy lifting as we cope with the lighter weights ourselves and to embrace the fact that as one Man by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ gave us the gift of redemption by His sacrifice on the cross which reversed Adam’s sins leading us to death (Romans 5:12-15). The problem persists in Australia perhaps due to the laws governing the process of child support are not even worth the papers on which they are written and the law-makers (both Parliament and the judiciary) have no clue as to what can be done to fix the imbalance. They have hired the so-called consultants to create some systems which any wise person and intelligent human being would tear his/her hair out. To make it worse the officers who are implementing these systems called policies and regulation governing the process don’t even understand what to do. This has partly contributed and or resulted in people taking their own lives while the judiciary and parliamentarians enjoy the perks as society suffers silently. And Christian authors, church leaders and civil leaders have shut their eyes to the real problems so that they can continue to enjoy the levels they have arrived at while the rest of society continues to suffer. Look no further than the Commission of Enquiries being carried out in Australia (well and around the world), prominent figures (politicians, judicial officers, church leaders and academics, socialists you name it) have all come together to exploit the weak and defenseless people in society while their corrupt conduct strives to higher limits. We need to surrender to God and repent and bring dignity to each and every creation of God. Every human being deserves dignity and is worth to come to a banquet with God as our Lord Jesus Christ advised or instructed His disciples not to chase the kids away. We are chasing the disadvantaged creation of God at the comfort of our positions in society. We all want to make a name so long as it benefits our cause. Shame on us all. In the Old Testament the prophets struggled to convince people of God’s warnings.We are the lucky generations because more than 2000 years ago God the Father decided to send His only begotten Son to us and His Friend the Holy Spirit comforted the fragile disciples and now The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit work tirelessly to bring resurrection to us. We are all worthy of entering the Most Inner Circle in the Tabernacle and we are all from the Levi’s household and High Priests. Let everyone dedicate their service to the Kingdom of God in whatever we say and do in 2019 and the world will become a better place. Families will know and obey God. For us to achieve this, we need to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and we must stop leaning on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). Then and only then God’s plan for each individual will be accomplished (Jeremiah 29:11).

  • The Boundaries Books Team on

    Thank you for sharing.

  • Marye on

    Thank you for addressing this In an encouraging article. It is especially hard when we are trying single handedly to train up, educate, influence and maintain a Godly bible based home culture.
    I’m pretty vocal and proactive, have to be to find the kinds of help I need. I have found some supports but not the kinds I really need most (outside the Word of God). It’s been very disappointing and stressful to not find child care providers over past 10 yrs from within/ out of the Church, the community, our family and friends.
    I have made my own growth and needs a priority same as my disabled daughter’s and mentally unstable collegiate son’s. My alcoholic Ex/their Dad disappeared 8yrs ago and our entire in-law clan shunned us; my family is put off by my disabled daughter’s needs. I had to change churches twice to find what my kids and I both needed.
    No one from any of our local churches or colleges has offered after I posted our childcare need- In 8 years! I have been asking for various helps but received little. Not one church or org in our 200k suburban locale has a supporter or ed group/ offerings/ ministries for divorced Moms. I can’t attend most other adult groups, educationals and evening things due to not being able to bring my girl but I get to Celebrate Recovery and Divorce Care. Dating again would be nearly impossible, meeting scarce Godly men how? Being a consistent firm stable solo Mom without personal caring supports is only survived by the loving Grace of God and Faith persistence.
    Your advice is solid and seems to point us toward caring family & friend & community members. I live now with anxiety due to the stressors and the feeling that I must have a big D on my head (divorced Christian, disabled child, damaged goods, exWife of an abuser Avoider style alcoholic). Only God is faithful. I do utilize your Boundaries books and videos thank you

  • The Boundaries Books Team on

    Some libraries do carry it. Check your local library to see if they have it.

  • LeAnn on

    Do you know if this book is carried in the library? It sounds like something I could use. I struggle with the guilt thing and then it is compounded with a child with health issues.

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published