Boundaries Blog — Boundaries
Boundaries Q&A with Dr. John Townsend: How to Handle Conflict with In-Laws
Question: I am experiencing conflict with my in-laws about the way I raise my children. They tend to nit-pick every decision that I make. Do you have any tips for setting boundaries with in-laws?
Answer: I know it's no fun to feel conflict with your in-laws. Here are some ways to address the sensitive issue. Begin with a positive and vulnerable conversation. Simply wait until there is a quiet moment, where there's not a lot going on....
The High Price of Nice
The act of being nice has been asked of us since we were tots. Who of us doesn’t remember our parents telling us to “play nice” with our siblings or our kindergarten teacher correcting a misbehaving student, chiding them, “That’s not very nice!”? Being nice is expected of schoolyard kids, adult citizens (well, maybe not on social media!), and especially of Jesus-loving Christians. But is nice what we are commanded to be in Scripture?
Boundaries Protect, But They Also Do This
To see how setting limits plays out in relationships, it's important to understand that there are two types of boundaries — defining boundaries and protective boundaries. Each kind of boundary has a distinct purpose. It's important that you learn the difference, because defining should become permanent in your life, while protective boundaries are the ones you can move "beyond."...
Q&A with Dr. John Townsend: How to Deal with an Adult Child Who Refuses to Pay Back a Loan
Question: What kinds of consequences are appropriate for a 39-year-old daughter who refuses to take responsibility for paying a college loan that her father and I co-signed in good faith?
Answer: First, let me say that I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know that it can feel uncomfortable to be at odds with your adult child.
In this situation, your first decision is to approach your daughter in a vulnerable way and describe how her behavior is impacting you. You could say something like ...
Stand Up for Yourself
You are enough.
You are more than enough. To speak up. To sit at the table. To stand up for yourself. To be a man of free will, character, service, faith, and influence who can contribute to and lead his family and his community.
Standing up for yourself is a learned skill set that every man must cultivate and hone because it’s vital for genuine strength. Strong men are not born but forged, and now is the time to work on your craft.
Standing up for yourself means advocating for yourself and expressing your wants, needs, opinions, and boundaries with confidence while respecting the wants, needs, opinions, and boundaries of others. You have a strong voice. Use it.
The more you stand up for yourself, the stronger you become. Why? Because self-advocacy delivers three powerful benefits: