Boundaries Blog — trust
What to Do When Trust Is Broken
Several years ago, I (Dr. Cloud) went to a conference on working with character disorders, and the instructor was giving a list of priorities to psychologists who treat them. "Character disorder" is a catch-all term, but one way of defining it is "people who do not take ownership and responsibility for their lives."
I will never forget what the instructor said about the number-one priority—other than protecting your personal safety—in treating character disorders. He said, "As soon as there is any kind of deception, stop everything."...
Why Your Spouse Will Fail You and What to Do About It
The person you love the most and have committed your life to is an imperfect being. This person is guaranteed to hurt you and fail you in many ways, some serious and some not. You can expect the failures to come....
How to Forgive When It's Hard to Forget
"I know I'm supposed to forgive," a woman said to me (Dr. Cloud) at a recent seminar. "But, I just can't open myself up to that kind of hurt anymore. I know I should forgive him and trust him, but if I let him back in, the same thing will happen, and I can't go through that again."
"Who said anything about 'trusting' him?" I asked. "I don't think you should trust him either."
"But you said I was supposed to forgive him, and if I do that, doesn't that mean giving him another chance? Don't I have to open up to him again?"
"No, you don't," I replied....