Boundaries Blog

Why Teens Should Get Angry with Parents

Why Teens Should Get Angry with Parents

Adolescents get angry a lot. They live in protest mode, so it is second nature for them to get mad at everything in the world, especially their parents. But some parents are conflict-phobic — they are uncomfortable and afraid of being the object of their teen's wrath, and so they avoid setting boundaries with teens.

However, this teaches adolescents that if they throw a tantrum, they can get out of a limit. Teens who learn this will also have difficulty experiencing healthy adult relationships. To help your child avoid this relational future, you'll want to teach him to accept responsibilities in relationships without having outbursts....

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Setting Boundaries with the Sins of Your Family

Setting Boundaries with the Sins of Your Family

Susie had a problem that I (Dr. Townsend) had seen countless times before. This thirty-year-old woman would return from a visit to her parents' home and suffer a deep depression. When she described her problem to me, I asked her if she noticed that every time she went home to visit, she came back extremely depressed.

"Why that's ridiculous," she said. "I don't live there anymore. How could the trip affect me this way?"...

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The Power of Painful Consequences

The Power of Painful Consequences

Trespassing on other people's property carries consequences. A "No Trespassing" sign usually carries a threat of prosecution if someone steps over the boundaries. The Bible teaches this principle over and over, saying that if we walk one way, this will happen, and if we walk another way, something else will happen.

Just as the Bible sets consequences for certain behaviors, we need to back up our boundaries with consequences. How many marriages could have been saved if one spouse had followed through with the threat of "if you don't stop drinking" (or "coming home at midnight," or "hitting me," or "yelling at the kids"), I will leave until you get some treatment!"...

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Boundaries Protect, But They Also Do This

Boundaries Protect, But They Also Do This

To see how setting limits plays out in relationships, it's important to understand that there are two types of boundaries — defining boundaries and protective boundaries. Each kind of boundary has a distinct purpose. It's important that you learn the difference, because defining should become permanent in your life, while protective boundaries are the ones you can move "beyond."...

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7 Tips for Setting Summer Boundaries with Your Kids

7 Tips for Setting Summer Boundaries with Your Kids

It is scary how our kids can sense when we are weak and ready to give in to them. This can be especially true during the summer when kids are home all day and away from the structured environment of school. Without boundaries, kids learn how to beg, plead, argue, and rationalize to get out of their responsibilities. The later you start to enforce boundaries, the more energetically your children will resist. Here are seven tips to help you set important boundaries with your kids this summer...

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