Boundaries Blog

What do boundaries for leaders look like at work? They are made up of two essential things: what you create and what you allow. A "boundary" is a property line. It defines where your property begins and ends. If you think about your home, on your property, you can define what is going to happen there, and what is not.

As a leader in the workplace, you are in charge of the vision, the people you invite in, what the goals and purposes are going to be, what behavior is going to be allowed and what isn't. Leaders build and allow the culture. You set the agenda, and you make the rules. And what you find there, you own. It is your creation or your allowances that have made it be. Simply stated, the leaders' boundaries define and shape what is going to be and what isn't. In the end, as a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: what you create and what you allow....

When you've been let down by someone who matters a great deal to you, moving beyond boundaries is not easy work — but it is important. One thing you can do in this regard is to figure out if the problem that was previously an obstacle is truly being transformed. In other words, is this person really changing? Is the big problem being solved the right way?

Here's an example. I (Dr. Townsend) worked with a couple in which the husband, Bill, was a nice guy but irresponsible. He was one of those likeable people who loves to hang out with others and is a lot of fun. But Bill's performance in life did not match up to his personality...

During a difficult season in my life, I asked a mentor of mine if we could have lunch. He had always given me such great advice and perspective. This time he listened, didn’t say much, and then wrote a few Bible verses on a napkin and handed it to me before we left the restaurant. Don’t get me wrong, I love the wisdom of the Bible, but to be honest, I was looking for more....

You have seen it on a thousand cheesy motivational placards: “If you believe it, you can achieve it.” Or as Henry Ford said, and I absolutely love this one, “The man who thinks he can and the man who thinks he can’t are both right.” Or as Napoleon Hill taught everyone, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” Always a Zig fan, I love his version, “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.”

When I was engaged to my wife, Tori, she wanted to go skydiving together for her birthday. I had zero desire for that vision, but I did have a desire to not wimp out on my fiancée’s birthday. That vision got me to consider jumping out of a plane, but I still needed ...

Question: Dr. Townsend, my mother makes snide comments that she will threaten to harm herself if I don't come home for every major holiday and her birthday throughout the year. How am I supposed to respond to her comments?

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's not funny, and is actually troubling, for a mom to make these sort of comments, even if she says she is joking. A part of us will always wonder how serious this is. The great majority of the time, these "guiltifying" statements are actually indirect expressions of disappointment, sadness or frustration that the person does not feel safe admitting....