Boundaries Blog

You have seen it on a thousand cheesy motivational placards: “If you believe it, you can achieve it.” Or as Henry Ford said, and I absolutely love this one, “The man who thinks he can and the man who thinks he can’t are both right.” Or as Napoleon Hill taught everyone, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” Always a Zig fan, I love his version, “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.”

When I was engaged to my wife, Tori, she wanted to go skydiving together for her birthday. I had zero desire for that vision, but I did have a desire to not wimp out on my fiancée’s birthday. That vision got me to consider jumping out of a plane, but I still needed ...

Question: Dr. Townsend, my mother makes snide comments that she will threaten to harm herself if I don't come home for every major holiday and her birthday throughout the year. How am I supposed to respond to her comments?

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's not funny, and is actually troubling, for a mom to make these sort of comments, even if she says she is joking. A part of us will always wonder how serious this is. The great majority of the time, these "guiltifying" statements are actually indirect expressions of disappointment, sadness or frustration that the person does not feel safe admitting....

It's every parent's nightmare: having a teen on drugs. This is not life as God designed it. Substance abuse causes the breakdown of all that is good. Enslavement replaces freedom. Detachment replaces love. Chaos replaces order. Despair replaces hope.

Many young people abuse alcohol and drugs, and this problem is not likely to go away anytime soon. I (Dr. Townsend) can't overstate the danger of substance abuse. It can, and often does, lead to poverty, injury, disease, and death....

Setting wise boundaries in dating becomes more important as two people feel more attracted to one another, especially when they're opposites in personality. However, one reason people are initially drawn to an individual with opposite traits is a pretty healthy one. It is that we are drawn to those who possess what we do not, so that we can internalize and own that trait for ourselves. This is a good thing, as that is how God designed the growth process. However, dating is not a good arena in which to develop oneself in a specific and important aspect of growth.

Take for example Lindsey and Alex. Lindsey was more of a lover than a fighter. She was good at caring and connecting with others, but she had a hard time with assertiveness and conflict. It seemed she often ended up having to put up with maltreatment or inconsiderateness from others....