By Trey Tucker
You are enough.
You are more than enough. To speak up. To sit at the table. To stand up for yourself. To be a man of free will, character, service, faith, and influence who can contribute to and lead his family and his community.
Standing up for yourself is a learned skill set that every man must cultivate and hone because it’s vital for genuine strength. Strong men are not born but forged, and now is the time to work on your craft.
Standing up for yourself means advocating for yourself and expressing your wants, needs, opinions, and boundaries with confidence while respecting the wants, needs, opinions, and boundaries of others. You have a strong voice. Use it.
The more you stand up for yourself, the stronger you become. Why? Because self-advocacy delivers three powerful benefits:
- happiness or a peaceful feeling
- improved well-being
- better relationships and communication
The opposite of standing up for yourself is being passive and always trying to please people. It’s possible that you don’t stand up for yourself because you are out of touch with your own needs, are carrying an injury that has lowered your self-esteem, or are responding to societal expectations and pressures.
Maybe you don’t think you matter or are enough. Maybe you’re afraid of how others will respond if you stand up for yourself or that you’ll stand out and face more pressure. Confrontation feels uncomfortable, so you avoid it.
Or perhaps your girlfriend or spouse is succeeding in an area or areas you struggle in—on the job, for example, or on a diet you both are trying. One study shows that many men feel worse about themselves in those situations and battle low self-esteem. When our self-esteem drops, so does our ability to stand up for ourselves. We are more apt to roll over or keep on trying to please people.
Here’s what not standing up for yourself looks like:
- You say yes when you want to say no—and you’re only saying yes to avoid conflict with or disappointment from others.
- You avoid confrontation and let someone run all over you.
- You go along with others even though you have your own preferences or needs.
- You let others take credit for your work.
- You let people talk over you—like you don’t exist, like you don’t matter—at home, in meetings, in get-togethers with small groups of people.
- You put the needs of others before your own even though it results in harming your own well-being.
- You downplay your accomplishments because you’re worrying more about the confidence and feelings of others.
- You let others make decisions for you; even though you have desires and needs, you sit back and let others make plans for you.
- You apologize when an apology isn’t needed; you give an apology because you’re not comfortable standing up for yourself.
- You stay in a toxic relationship that isn’t good for you or the other person because you don’t want to make a difficult decision or confront them with a difficult conversation, opting to keep the peace despite the damage being done.
People pleasers get run over. Strong men are willing to fight and to put their lives on the line to make a difference. You can be nice to others and support them without letting them run over you. You’ll never find peace, well-being and the rewards of being tough enough without learning to stand up for yourself.
Adapted from Tough Enough: Hone Your Habits, Cultivate Purpose, and Forge Genuine Strength by Trey Tucker.
Do you feel like you've reached manhood, but you're not sure what it means to actually be a man? Trey Tucker is the guide you need to become who you were meant to be—thriving, strong, and successful despite everything life throws at you.
In his signature no-nonsense approach, Trey Tucker—a counselor and experienced mental health expert—draws on powerful principles from his own life and from client success stories to guide you in creating habits that lead to happiness, to discovering your purpose, to understanding the true meaning of strength, and to stepping into the best version of yourself.
Trey Tucker is a mental health expert and social media standout with more than one million followers.
He is the founder and owner of Rugged Counseling and is known for his straight talk. His popular video content taps into themes like childhood trauma, independent thinking, victim roles, and keys to better boundaries.
As a counselor with more than a decade of experience, Trey holds specialized training in areas such as anxiety, trauma, relationship communication, sports psychology, identity, and purpose.
Additionally, Trey serves as associate director of the counseling center at McCallie School in Chattanooga. Trey has earned a reputation for successfully breaking through to young men. Learn more about Trey and his work at RuggedCounseling.com.