Boundaries Blog

"May I tell you something embarrassing?" Robert asked me (Dr. Townsend). A new client, Robert was trying to understand why he had so much difficulty refusing his wife's constant demands. He was going broke trying to keep up with the Joneses.

"I was the only boy in my family, the youngest of four children. There was a strange double standard in my house involving physical fighting." Robert cleared his throat, struggling to continue....

When some people read the Bible, they see a book of rules, do's and don'ts. When others read it, they see a philosophy of life, principles for the wise. Still others see mythology, stories about the nature of human existence and the human dilemma.

Certainly, the Bible contains rules, principles, and stories that explain what it is like to exist on this earth. But to us, the Bible is a living book about relationship. Relationship of God to people, people to God, and people to each other....

Several years ago, I (Dr. Cloud) went to a conference on working with character disorders, and the instructor was giving a list of priorities to psychologists who treat them. "Character disorder" is a catch-all term, but one way of defining it is "people who do not take ownership and responsibility for their lives."

I will never forget what the instructor said about the number-one priority—other than protecting your personal safety—in treating character disorders. He said, "As soon as there is any kind of deception, stop everything."...

Entitlement is the belief that I am exempt from responsibility and I am owed special treatment. Entitlement is: The man who thinks he is above all the rules. The woman who feels mistreated and needs others to make it up to her.

I (Dr. Townsend) need you to understand the concept of entitlement thoroughly ...